Accessing one’s own children

• Non-custodial parents take case to the Lahore High Court, seek reform in Guardian and Wards Act 1890 to gain access to children

LAHORE - A crowd stands outside the Lahore High Court, busily talking, as if waiting for something. Their faces are lined with stress and worry, but they gather here and talk to each other as if they have already adapted to their tense lifestyle.
These are parents, standing at the courtroom of Justice Mamoon Rashid Sheikh, a special bench Family II under the LHC, waiting to meet their children. After several protests held at different places, they have now resorted to take the case to the LHC, with the help of a constitutional petition, and especially to seek reforms in the “Guardian and Wards Act 1890”.
Divorces and separation from spouses have separated their children from them. They say that unfair court orders mean that their children are handed over to only one parent, and with the other not allowed to meet the children for long periods. They are allowed to meet their children for two hours in a month.
“We are forced to meet our own children for as little as two hours in a month within the court premises,” says one father. “A court room is no place for a child to be in, let alone the tyrannical rule of only having two hours with his or her other parent!” he exclaims.
Over the past few months, this group of parents has emerged as a functional organization called My Foundation. Agha Abul Hassan Arif, a Supreme Court lawyer and legal advisor of the organization, pleaded the petition that was filed in LHC.
My Foundation Information Secretary Mubasher Pasha says that it is not just an opportunistic venture. It was about time that these laws were changed, he said. “Speaking of black laws, why leave this one out? The Guardian Laws have been prevailing for over a century now,” he says bitterly.
“Separated parents feel that instead of acting as a bridge between them and the grieved children, the Guardian Laws act as a barrier in the reunion or in mutual cooperation between the estranged spouses. For the betterment of a broken family, these must change.”
The objective of the petition follows a six point agenda. For example, the procedure for servicing of notices to the opposing party needs to be made efficient, demands My Foundation.
“Currently servicing of notices is a lengthy, time-consuming and painful procedure, which may take several months and in some cases even years,” says a member of the foundation. “It is suggested that the procedures should be amended on the pattern of recently reformed Rental laws and Banking Courts where respondents by all means have to respond to the court within 15 days. This reform alone will cut down delays by several months or even years.”
The parents also have a major objection to court rulings of sole custody of the child. During the interim period, a focus on immediate “joint custody” as opposed to “single sole custody” is proposed. This ensures that a child can spend reasonable time with both the separated parents throughout the year. Currently, the children are handed over to one of the spouses and the other parent is restricted to meeting his/her own child for just two hours in a month within the court premises.
This results in depletion of the child-parent bond over time and results in other complications, aggravating the existing family situation. Heavy penalties and punishments are suggested to be imposed in case custodial parent fails to comply with the court instructions, relating to the visitation of the minor with the non-custodial parent.
Parents have also thought about the importance of introducing a parenting plan, which would essentially be a form, filled out by both parents under the supervision of court. “The Parenting Plan form documents critical information such as age, gender, date of birth, school, educational history of parents, place of residence of parents, etc,” says My Foundation Chairperson Tariq Nawaz, who says that if these six points are followed, the result would be revolutionary. “The Parenting Plan also carries a detailed meeting/visitation schedule for the entire year including; regular meetings, meetings on birthdays, Eids, vacations, public holidays and any other special occasions.” This way no unfairness will take place in meeting the child.
At present the non-custodial parent must file a separate application, seeking visitation on each of the occasions. This increases the workload in the guardian courts and also results in significant efforts and expense carried by the non-custodial parent. It is estimated that the introduction of the “Parenting Plan” will reduce 25 - 50% of the existing workload of guardian courts.
The entire Parenting Plan would take 45 minutes to fill out and will resolve issues that took months even years to sort out in current court procedures.
Another important introduction would be to ensure the security bonds are to be given by both parties. Currently only the non-custodial parent has to provide a surety bond in order to get “out of the court” visitation to his/her children. It is pleaded by the foundation that the guaranties and surety bonds must be enforced on both parties. There have incidents where custodial parents have illegally removed minors from the jurisdiction of the court. A parent has to submit “Surety Bonds” through “Property Documents” which are not easy to arrange.
The other point refers to all applications or replies under “Guardian and Wards Act” to be submitted with complete documentation. This means copies of the CNIC’s of the petitioner/respondent/their witnesses, affidavit of petitioner/respondent along with the witnesses advised by both, documented evidence of any further allegation that is being pledged by both or any of the parties and “Surety Bond” to be submitted by both the parties at the time of filing and responding to an application.
Meanwhile, till nothing else is introduced, at least the meeting area in the Guardian Courts should be improved, say the parents. In Lahore, the meeting area is a side gallery of the Guardian Courts with extremely poor facilities of drinking water, or fans. Non-custodial parents must meet their children in these circumstances, where the child feels oppressed, confused, and inhibited.
While the court must keep the welfare of the child as the first priority, it is, in fact, the child, who is suffering the worst in cases like these. Meanwhile, these parents still pine for their children, some of whom they have not seen in months, thanks to their estranged or former spouse forbidding it.

90,000 children await decisions on their future

Mother or father?

Source: Inam Rao

July 24, 2011 on 11:57 PM

• 90,000 children await decisions on their future in Lahore’s guardian courts…

More than 57, 287 guardian cases are pending at Lahore’s Guardian courts with more than 90,000 children awaiting a decision on their future, Pakistan Today has learnt. The snails pace at which the court decides is shown by the fact that a number of cases have not been decided despite a lapse of nine to ten years during which the children in question have aged without a resolution. The entire caseload falls to only seven family and three guardian courts.

Short meeting time: A second complaint has been the short meeting time granted to non-custodial parents, who are only granted two hours per month to meet their children within the court’s premises. The short meeting time brings out strong emotions within the non-custodial parent, who, however, attempts to hide their feelings before the custodial parent.

Experts said senior judges should be appointed in family courts since their experience helps them handle family cases better. Experts claimed the flaws of the current family and guardian courts had made the lives of children miserable who suffer immense psychological stress. Parents must think of their children when deciding to divorce, they seemed to suggest.

Think about children: Talking to Pakistan Today, family law expert Advocate Zafer Iqbal Kalanori postulated that the institution of the family had weakened due to the inability to tolerate each other of husbands and wives. He said the Family Act (Ammendment) 2001 had made it easier to obtain decision, but couples were not considering the fate of their children when taking the decision. Kalanori advocated for the appointment of competent, high-ranking judges in guardian courts and stressed the need for quick verdicts, since the life of children was at stake. He said, “family cases have a tendency to remain stuck in courts for several years but parents have a right to register their plea in the High Court if family courts fail to declare a final verdict within six months.”

Separation is painful: Psychiatrist Hassan Raza said that the separation of one’s parents was a painful experience for all children regardless of age. Raza said most children cannot come to grips with the idea of their parents getting separated and find it difficult adjusting with an affect on emotional, physical and mental health.

Another psychiatrist Zaheera Bano told Pakistan Today, that compared to small children, adolescents feel a separation more and develop fear for their own future, caught between affection for both parents. Bano said some adolescents start looking after household chores and bring up their younger siblings but others find it difficult adjusting with either their stepmother or stepfather. “Sometimes divorce also affects the relationship of children with their own parents,” Bano said, “boys and girls react differently to their parents’ divorce.” She said, after divorce, girls become more emotional and frustrated whereas boys become more aggressive and disobedient. “Separation affects a child, that’s for sure,” she added.

Tales from the court: At the guardian court Pakistan Today met Tehmina. After having three children, she divorced her husband in 2004. Subsequently, she filed for child custody maintenance but seven years on her case remains pending in the guardian court. She comes to every court hearing and only meets her children in the court premises for two hours once a month.

“It is painful being unable to give my children a mother’s love for seven years,” said Tehmina, “I miss my children both when I am happy or sad.”

Another pending case was of Shahzad Ahmed who filed a child custody maintenance case for his brother’s Saeed Ahmed children after Saeed died. Shahzad said, “After my brother’s death his wife forbade the children from meeting their father’s relatives.”

“We do not want a share in our brother’s property but there should not be restrictions on children to meet their father’s relatives,” he said.

In 2005, Zaeem Tahir, 10, saw his parents separate. He now lives with his father and studies in grade five. Speaking to Pakistan Today, Zaeem said, “I do not know how to respond on parent’s day when my class fellows ask about my mother. I do not wish to re-tell the tragic story of my parents since I have not dealt with it myself.” He added that his grandfather did not allow him to meet his mother and was annoyed when he mentioned his mother.

Engineering student Iftikhar, whose parents separated when he was three, said, “15 years on, I still cannot understand why my parent’s marriage ended up in smoke?” Iftikhar said parents should make these difficult choices carefully since the child of divorced parents faces discrimination throughout his life.

In the final year of her Masters in Political Science, Rabia said “When I was in Grade 3 my parents separated and I lived alone with my mother. But even now I wish my parents were together.”

While the children of divorced parents complain of their loss, Guardian courts remain unable to rule in the custody cases of over 90,000 children, aggravating psychological stress for children already undergoing emotional stress.

Divorce Effects on Children

Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level; many children are inadequately prepared for the impending divorce by their parents. A study in 1980 found that less than 10% of children had support from adults other than relatives during the acute phase of the divorce.

· The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness.

· Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children.

Developmental Considerations in the Response of Children [3]

· A major focus of the scholarly literature on divorce is the grouping of common reactions of children by age groups.

· Preschool (ages 3-5): These children are likely to exhibit a regression of the most recent developmental milestone achieved. Additionally, sleep disturbances and an exacerbated fear of separation from the custodial parent are common. There is usually a great deal of yearning for the non-custodial parent.

· Early latency (ages 6½-8): These children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.

· Late latency (ages 8-11): Anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.

· Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents are prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.

Effects of Divorce on the Parent-Child Relationship

· Diminished parenting: In the wake of a divorce, most custodial mothers exhibit varying degrees of disorganization, anger, decreased expectations for appropriate social behavior of their children, and a reduction of the ability of parents to separate the child’s needs and actions from those of the adult. While diminished parenting is usually an expected short-term consequence of divorce; there is a serious potential for these changes to become chronic if a custodial parent does not reconstitute the relationship with the child or becomes involved in a new relationship which overwhelms the relationship with the child. [4]

· The overburdened child phenomena: approximately 15% of children interviewed at the 10 year follow-up point in a 15 year study showed significant effects from taking on the role of holding a custodial parent together psychologically. In a change that goes deeper than a simple reversal of the care-taker role, the child oftentimes becomes responsible for staving off depression and other threats to parent’s psychological functioning, at the cost of their own needs. [3]

The Impact of Paternal Involvement on Post-Divorce Children [2]

· When the divorce rate began to rise exponentially in the 1970s, it was thought that absence of paternal contact was a critical factor in the poor adaptation of some children to divorce. Several studies, including the National Survey of Children, have shown that paternal participation has a negligible effect, if any, on the well being of children (academics, behavioral problems, distress, and delinquency). However, it is important to note that there are several limiting factors in these studies (low overall level of paternal contact with children) and that the principle conclusion derived should be that increased paternal contact does not correlate to increases in positive outcomes.

Long-term Outcomes

· 10 and 15 year longitudinal studies show that divorce is not to be considered as an acute stress/crisis in the lives of children but rather, it is an event that can have long term consequences on psychosocial functional of children, adolescents, and young adults. The long-term outcomes of well-adjusted or poorly adjusted children draw heavily on the child’s post-divorce quality of life and on the post-divorce or remarried parent-child relationships.

· The most frequent delayed onset negative consequences center around anxieties and fear of the child that s/he will repeat the failed marital or love relationship that the child observed during the divorce. [4]

· Wallerstein’s ‘sleeper effect’ is a piquant example of the far-reaching effects of one such long-term consequence. Up to 66% of the women between 19-23 that were interviewed during 10 years post-divorce had a resurgence of anxiety, fear, guilt, and anger that they had suppressed for many years. These feelings tended to resurface when the adolescent and young adult women were attempting to make major life decisions (such as marriage). [3]

Conclusions

· Divorce and its ensuing ramifications can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents.

· The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.

· There is a significant need for child mental health professionals, along with other child specialists, to be cognizant of the broad spectrum of possible fall-out from a divorce and then to provide sufficient support for children of divorced parents in all the necessary psychosocial aspects of the child’s life.